Superpool
by pyromoosepoop
Summary: Sam, Dean, and Cas are going to New York because a thing named Venom is murdering people. or is someone else doing the murder? An annoying person joins then, calling himself Deadpool. How long can they resist not shooting him? How many times will Deadpool heal himself after getting shot? Will Deadpool ever shut up? Will I, the author, ever shut up?not likely. please enjoy my fanfic
1. The Journey Begins

**DISCLAIMER: I have accomplished nothing in life, therefore: I own nothing and probably never will.**

 **AUTHOR NOTE: takes place when Cas becomes human.**

Dean and I were looking at Crowley in the basement. My brother poked him. "Wake up" he yelled.

Crowley's eyes fluttered open. " 'ello boys!" he said brittishly. Then as he looked at me he said "You're looking sexier than usual today, Moose." He kissed the air in a weird flirtatious notion.

I ignored him and slapped down a wad of police reports showing a bunch of murders in downtown New York, all in the same General area.

"All of these bodies got shot multiple times. Mind telling us what that's about, Crowley? Huh?" Dean asked the king of hell.

"And police reports claim that all their mouths are filled with (sigh) semen." I added.

"Why should I tell you anything? bloody Winchesters" Crowley said, being difficult, as always.

"Because, if you don't, a nice hot bath tub of holy water is waiting for you. So why don't you start squawking." Dean angrily said.

"Fine. I never could resist you squirrel." Crowley said, and then he looked at me. "The person you're looking for is called Venom, but I warn you. Someone is already on the case."

"Who? Garth?" Dean questioned.

"Dean, we're done here. Let's go." I said, not letting Crowley answer.

"Good bye Moose." Crowley said sing-songidly, then he kissed the air again and winked.

 **LATER**

We were in the Impala, Dean driving, me sitting shotgun, and Cas in the back, like always. We just got to New York State. Cas was complaining about the existence of urination again. Dean and I were singing along to the song 'Carry On Wayward Son' by Kansas. Suddenly, there was some sort of man on the road, but Dean and I didn't notice because we were deep in song. Then the strange man's bright red suit caught Dean's eye and he slammed on the breaks. The three of us got out of the car to see what was wrong.

The man in the red and black suit looked somewhat familiar. He had a monocle, top hat, and a fake moustache over of his black and red mask. He put a cup of tea up to where his mouth is and made a slurping sound as the tea pours down his mask. "Hello," he said in an obviously fake British accent, "It's Pool. Dead-pool. Agent B double O B. Part of the D-I-C-K organization." Then he put the tea cup to his face again and made a slurping noise.

Jesus, this guy is more inappropriate than Dean. Wait, Deadpool… I recognize that name. I think Charlie said something about him once. I turned to Cas, who was just standing there and told him "call Charlie, ask her what she knows about Deadpool." Cas obeyed.

"Who the hell are you and why are you in the center of the road?" Dean asked.

There was a blue flash and Deadpool disappeared, but his mustache, top hat, monocle, and now broken tea cup where he was standing.

"I already told you. I'm the fabulous Deadpool. The merc with a mouth. The grown man who wears lady bug pajamas to do his job. The friendly neighborhood Spiderman. Okay, not the last one, but I'm doing him a favor." Deadpool said, dropping the accent. He was standing behind us.

We all turned around. "So you're here to help?" Dean asked.

"I think he is." I said.

"I think we should all trust Deadpool too." Deadpool said.

"Charlie has given me information on Deadpool." Cas said.

"Did he call me a God? An object of pure worship? The lord of all chimichangas?" Deadpool questioned.

"No. She said you're a low rate comic book character from Marvel." Cas said. Comic book character?

"COMIC BOOK CHARACTER?! Yeah, basically. Well, I'm a movie star too. And a fanfiction star now. HEY! MY LOVELY COMIC BOOK IS NOT LOW RATE! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Deadpool said, well… yelled at the end. Then he pointed a gun at Cas's head.

Dean and I whipped out our guns and pointed it at his head.

"He just became human! What are you thinking?!" Dean angrily said.

His other hand now has a gun and he points it at my brother. "I've got more guns up my butt than you've ever seen in your life."

"I wouldn't count on that, Bitch." Dean said and pointed a second gun at Deadpool. It was bigger than all the other guns.

Deadpool put his two guns away and pulled out a huge ass machine gun. "Nobody calls me bitch besides Domino, Wolverine, and maybe Spiderman (depending on how cute he is that day)." Then Deadpool pointed the gun at Dean. "Nighty night… BITCH!"

"NO!" I yell and pulled the trigger to the gun at Deadpool's head. He was not going to kill my brother!

Deadpool fell backwards. His machine gun fell next to his limp body.

We all got back in the Impala, the dead body of Deadpool was next to Cas. We started driving again.

About an hour later we started singing 'Carry On Wayward Son' again. Then Cas said, "He's not dead."

Dean chuckled. "sure" he said sarcastically, not taking his eye off the road.

"Wakey wakey! Tuesday, Pig n' poke! Haha… I wouldn't know about that. I was going to stay quiet 'til I could kill you all, BUT WE'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS! Can I drive?" Deadpool said.

"What the hell! No, you can't drive!" Dean said.

"Wait, what brought him back to life?" I asked.

"Awwwwwwww. I knew you loved my Sammypoo! Has anyone ever told you that you look like a moose?" Deadpool said.

"Why does everyone tell me I look like a moose!?" I asked. I could tell Dean was trying not to laugh.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!" Deadpool yelled and pointed to the right. Everyone in the car looked to the right, to see nothing.

"There's nothing there." Cas stated.

"Yeeeeeeaah. I know. IT'S MY CAR NOW!" Deadpool said. He was sitting in the driver's seat and Dean was sitting were Deadpool use to sit.

"What the f-" Dean started to say.

"Launguage! You f# king piece of s!%t." Deadpool said. He's driving worse than a drunk person. "OOooo! A strip club!" Deadpool said. He grabbed Dean and a blue flash appeared again. Both My brother and Deadpool were gone. The Impala started to head towards a building because no one was driving. I took the wheel and pulled over Dean's precious car.


	2. The Sexy Chapter

DISCLAIMER: Still own nothing

AUTHORS NOTE: Deadpools POV, bold is white box, italic is yellow box, regular is Deadpools regular thoughts(makes more sense if you read the comics or play the video game). Underlined is me now. YAY! Please Follow/favorite/review. It will make the next chapter come faster, trust me. especially reviewing.

 **Really. We just abandon that car. There are still people inside.** _So? We killed so many people before!_ He's right you know. **That doesn't mean his morals are right.** Ug! Fine. I'll read that fanfiction. _Sam, Dean, Blah blah blah. SKIP TO OUR PART!_ Okay, okay. There's us! **See. I told you our accent was terrible.** Ya ya, whatever. See! 'I took the wheel and pulled over Dean's precious car.' _Good enuff!_ **I think Dean is trying to talk to us.** "What the hell is going on?" Dean **angrily** said. "Sam and Cas could be dead again for all I know!"

 _Hey. We should hand cuff ourselves together!_ **That's stupid.** Stupid enough for me. "What the hell! Hand cuffs?! Is this some kind of joke to you? Bodies are dropping as we speak!"

"At least we're in a strip club." I _very smartly_ said. **Ignoring the fact he said venom is killing people.** Aw f #k! I still need to kill venom for spidey! _Spidey is soooooo kawai!_ I KNOW RIGHT! UP HIGH! **We're in your head you moron.** Oh ya.

 _Sometime later, Sammykins is still being totes jelly of us being next to his love!_ **I Believe they're brothers.** _Anyway, because he's so jelly he hasn't even found us yet._ **We did go hide in a corner.** "Hey Dean. Hey Dean. Hey Dean. Hey Dean. Hey Dean! Hey Dean! Hey Deanykins!"

"What?" Deany sayed. **He sounds annoyed.** _PERFECT!_

"I just wanted to say I love yyyooooooouu! Not as much as Wolvie, but how can you compete against his hairy nipps?"

"This is by far the worse time I've spent in a strip club" Dean said. _HAHAHAHAHA! DEAN IS SOOOO FUNNY! HHHAAAAAAAAAAA!_

"DEAN!" Sam yelled **, barely hearable over the strip club music.**

"SAM!" Dean yelled back.

"What? I thought this was love, Dean. LOVE! Y-you d-don't love m-me…WWWAAAAAAAA" **That's when we started fake crying.** Even though the crying was fake, doesn't mean the pain was fake. _But the pain is fake._ And your point is? **Let's just eavesdrop on them.**

"You and Deadpool are handcuffed?" -Sam

"He hand cuffed us, he's starting to make strip clubs painful." –Dean

"Well that's a f &king miracle." –Sam

"This place reminds me of the pizza man and the babysitter." –Castiel

 _Wait… wasn't that a porn we watched once?_ **I've counted twenty-three porn movies that have that same 'plot'.**

"You watch porn? I thought you were the goody two shoes of the group!" I said

"Dean made me turn it off…" the porn watcher said looking down in sadness. I know his pain. _I hate you Blind Al!_

"Let's go" Dean said, he started walking out with porn watcher and moose face. _Wasn't he in hand cuffs?_ **How did he escape?** I bet Pyromoosepoop (the author of this fanfic, you dumb sheep) knows how he escaped.

"Hhheeeeeeeeeeey madam moosepoop, love the name by the way, can you tell me how Dean es-kape-ay?"

No.

"come oooooonn… PPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEE! Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please."

Fine. I don't want to write 'please' any more. Dean's a skilled hunter, he has a lock pick…. Duh.

 _Cool. Can we bug him again?_ **Lets follow them and only intrude after they get to New York City.** I like how I think. LET'S GO! _YYYAAAAYYYY!_


	3. The Mind of a Hamster With Wings

The sky is currently dark. This is making my human self very tired. I wonder how Dean and Sam aren't as tired as I. Maybe it's their tasks. Sam is on his computer; Dean is driving and drinking a beer. I believe that that is illegal, but I already informed Dean and said that it's fine.

"How much longer until we get to New York?" Dean asked.

"Eight more hours," Sam replied.

"Are there any cheap motels nearby?" Dean asked

"Eight miles from here," Sam replied. He started to type on his computer again.

Perhaps Dean and Sam are tired after all.

"Hey Cass, are you okay? You haven't talked in a while." Dean said

"Yes, I'm fine," I reply. I wonder how Deadpool could teleport and survive being shot. Perhaps he is an angle as well, but how is he not fallen? Charlie did call him a comic book character. I wonder if that's relevant.

"Make a left and the motel will be on the right" Sam said.

Dean obeyed his brother's commands.

Hours of sleep have passed. I was on the floor, Dean and Sam shared a bed. Only one-bed rooms were left. Noises from outside woke me up.

"Aww. They're sleeping!" The voice from outside said. It was recognizable as Deadpool's. I shall question him.

I open the door and Deadpool kisses me, his lips were jagged and sour tasting. After pulling his mask back down, he says "I knew you loved me!"

I did not understand. "I don't love you, I was going to interrogate you when you kissed me."

"I'll only be interrogated if you draw me like one of your French girls Jack!"

Seeing Sam stir in his sleep I close the door to the motel room. "I'm not French, I'm Castiel, an angel of the Lord. I am curious if you are too."

Deadpool laughed. "Oh Pornlover, picture me more as God. Or the worst thing ever. Your pick."

I stare at him. I doubt that he is God or the Darkness. The Darkness is a myth anyways. Deadpool must be lying.

"Why are you immune to Dean's bullets?"

"Because I'm a mutant, and don't listen to the stupid X-men if they tell you otherwise."

"What is an X-man?"

"Wow, you ask a lot of questions! Let's run away together!" Deadpool exclaimed.

"I can't leave Sam and Dean," I reply.

"Fine, but I'll be stalking you Pornlover," Deadpool said as he patted Cas's head. He then teleported away. He appeared about ten feet where he was originally standing. He likely can't teleport very far. Deadpool is probably not an angel.

I twisted the knob of the motel door, but it wouldn't turn. Should I knock? No, it would just wake the Winchesters. I should try twisting it again.

"Cass?" Dean yelled from inside the room. His call of distress towards me made me awake once more.

"Dean, the door won't open," I yell through said door.

The door opened. "What the hell are you doing outside?" He looked upset with me.

"Deadpool came back so I came out to question him. He isn't an angel."

"Cass, if humans stay out in the cold, we get sick."

"Human illnesses don't affect Angels, even if they lose their grace."

3rd person POV

"Human illnesses don't affect Angels, even if they lose their grace." Castiel's voice came out of an iPod looking thing. A person holding it put the mute on.

"You know, I've never made a deal like this." The person said.

"I have. It's not my first deal with a demon. One time I had to make Ironman drunk because of a deal. Good times." Deadpool said.

"I've made deals before, you idiot. I've never done a deal where I have to give up something. So you want money, right?" the demon asked.

"Yeah, a f #$ ton of money. You can stalk the Winchesters now, so pay up."

"Fine." The demon said and snapped her fingers. They were surrounded by bags of money.

"This was so worth the kiss!" Deadpool exclaimed, cuddling with his money.

"Please don't remind me we kissed. You're the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. Kissing you was literally worse than Hell."

"I love you too," Deadpool replied.

"Just take your money and leave me alone forever."

"Deadpool makes no promises, " He said, speaking in the third person.

"What? Why did you say your own name?" the demon asked

"Well, this fanfiction was in the first person, but now it's in third, so Deadpool thought it fitting to be in the third person too." He said.

"I hope you're happy; your answer made me contemplate suicide. Leave before I kill you and burn your money with your corps."

"K. Call ya later," Deadpool said as he walked out. He carried all the money in a pyramid shape in his arms.

"At least that idiot gets the job done," the demon said and unmuted the iPod.


End file.
